Where ist Oncle Tom?

Ladye Kat,

hast thou seenst my Oncle Tom? I knoweth he live with you and mine sister Bess whene he ist not upon his shipss.

He ist great behinde on mine pocket monyes. How canst I bribe mine servantes if there are no coines in mine purse?!

I do love my Oncle Tom. Please ask him too visite me soone... and leaveth mine moneys in the usual playce beneathe the carpete.

Yours,

Edwarde,
THE KYNG

Dear Edward,

I'm afraid he's on a progress at the moment.
Ask your sister, she seems to always be with him.
(I can't imagine whye)
However, *hands moneys* This will do for now. Yes?

Dowager Queen Catherine.

ah, Bess dothe alwayse taketh alle oft myne besst Oncle's time, leeving me weeth roten Oncle Edwarde instedde!

Thankye thow goodde ladye, I shalle finally bee abel to gett things donne in mine owne howsehold!

Thou werte alwaysse the neareste thyng I new to a mothar deare Katt, I knoweth nott why Elyzabethe gets to live with yu ande Oncle Tom whyle I get rotten Oncle Ed and hys nastye wyfe!

I shalle mayke syure thate you are gyfted wyth somethynge nyce in returne for the coynes for my purse. Wudst thou lyke landes, jywels or some other suche itemes?

Ed,
THE KYNG

Dear Edward,
I seek only to serve my sovereign Lord.
But perhaps, I pray thou may grant my Marriage.
Dowager Quene Catherine

Wudste thou notte rathar hav gyemstonsse?!

Ah welle, if thatte is whatte yu wyshe good ladye.

Yu haffe my blessinge.

(shhh, dont tel Oncle Ed, his hedde wille explowde! I shalle muche enjoye tellyng himme myselfe!)

Dearest Bess:

I know that the Lord High Admiral is very good looking & has that whole pirate thing going on that you find so irresistible . But really most esteemed & entirely beloved daughter you must show a little discretion! I do believe that little Ed and KP are beginning to suspect.

Looking out for you,

Maman

Tis a very good piece of advice there Madam.

Catherine, Quene of England.