The Marriage Game

Thank you, Charles. I often get the place names of that in-bread cesspit confused. *Smiles a false but still lovely smile*.

And as long as you continue with your megalomania and try to sieze my good grandfather Francis' rightful Italian inheritance, I shall be forced to oppose you.

Uncle Charles! It is always a joy to see you!
And seeing her majesty of Scotland reminds me, I would like to address the possibility of your assistance in recovering certain territories which are rightfully mine.

You want mine help or or thine uncles help, Christina?

My uncle, but your lovely presence reminded me.

What territories woulds thou like to regain, I would be gleeful to help thee.

And please, thine presence is equally beautiful. Indeed, with the two of us in this room, I'm surprised that the men can breathe! *Laughs*.

I assume you speak of Denmark, Norway, and perhaps Sweden, niece?

Yes uncle; at the minimum I would like my Danish inheiritance returned to me.

We shall see, Chrisitina.

To her majesty Elizabeth:
Then, if one of my brother's boys interests you, I shall inform him that religion shall not be an issue and we can get down to the business of this matter. I will not have patience for your games, though.

To my Dearest Cousins Christina and Charles:

I will gladly help thee in any way that I can, including persuading my family in France to agree to help you. If thou wuldst like troops or monies, ask.

My lord Charles, I feel I must apologise for my cousin Marie of Scotland's lack of diplomacy. She hast not long been Regent and is at present dwelling in the unruly north. Therefore she understands not courtly ways or the protocol when addressing fellow a Prince. Tis mine hope that she will be fast in learning afore she stirs any troubles through no fault but her fiery temper and sharp tongue.

Now it comes to me to consider carefully the thought of thine newphews and which of them wudst be the most fortunate match all round. Hath you any thoughts on this?

I can assure you sir that any delays on my part will be down to my careful considerations of the consequences of any match to both realms. With my father's own unfortunate mistakes in mind I feel that such unions of state and person cannot be taken lightly.

*SNORTS*

Elizabeth, I thought that thee was to pick Anjou?

Marie,

I thought thou didst disapprove of my dear little frog.

Alas I hath already upset mine subjects at the thought of taking a frenchman to my heart, so aginst my own feelings I have to reconsider such a match.

Your Grace,
The Department of Relatives has kindly provided this listing of my brother Ferdinand's children. Ferdinand's Children I would also smile upon a union between yourself and a member of any of the Eastern European families, particularly Poland. I understand they are quite religiously tolerant.
-Charles Imperator

Your grace *curtseys devoutely*

My dear nephew, it has been too long! How art thou?

I see Maximilian ist already taken by thine lovely daughter Maria. I hear they are most excellent protectors of Spain in thine absence and expect this is due to thine own close care of their education.

Charles II



I find the Archduke Charles has a great many points to recommend him and I hath long been in favour of his courtship... but dost thou not think him a little too pro Catholic-Reformation for mine tastes? Though his great love for Lord God ist most welcommed, I fear his persistance against the new religion may endanger the well being of mine Protestant subjects.

Ferdinand II



Ferdinand ist indeed most enchanting... though I wudst have thou clear something up for me first afore I consider him truly.

*Bess whispers quietly to Charles so as not to alert the rest of the court to her suspicions and therefore cause him embarrassment*

I hath heard rumour he ist already married.

Your grace,

Should you Max interest you, I am sure the Department of the Imperial Time Machine could be prevailed upon to help.

As to my namesake, yes, he is very devout in his faith. That need not be an obstacle. You are both royalty, after all, and there is no need to even reside in the same country- after you provide an heir, of course. You will find him a good, kind man, even in his enthusiasm. He can also be made to see reason, I am sure.

*guides Elizabeth to the side, while discussing Charles*
Ferdinand...well. He is young, and as we both know young men in the heat of passion can make questionable decisions. He is married, it is true, but without my consent or even his own father and his wife is not even of the German nobility (how he managed that I know not).

And, in addition to Max's boys, I have a son- Don Juan de Austria. True, he is not my legitimate offspring, but he is a brilliant general, admiral, and statesman.

I think it was smart of Charles V to get rid of that picture, it was butt ugly!

Most gracious uncle,
Since we are discussing marriage...I am considering marrying again. A good husband could be an asset as I attempt to reclaim what is mine.

Charles V, darling, I willt never marry again. I have discovered with the help of the Lady Helen Bishop that I am a feminist. and a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

*laughs*

Would a Queen renounced as bastard as many times as I care an ounce of legitimacy my lord?!

Hmmm... Don Juan... I find the name ist most enticing in itself. He ist a most competent sea fairer ist he not? I liketh such things greatly in a suitor.

Tell me more of your son my lord, I find myself quite curious.

*laughs delightedly*

My lord, thou art quite the match maker now I see!

The royal ladies doth clamour around thee for advice on suitable matches among thine many fine male relations.

It amuses me greatly and I value your wise council my lord. I hope it pleases you to remain with us at court and to find good match for us all.

If thou hadst attended me sooner sir, I feel I may not have lost two of my ladies of bedchamber to Sir Walter and the Earl of Leicester! ...or was it my own carelessness that didst loose two favourites to my ladies?

I hear thou intend to end thine days in a monastery sir, canst I not tempt thee to settle well with a fine Queen from mine own father's vast collection?

Charles V darling I cannot believe you are being so silent and withdrawn with me. It must be your Aspergers. You must try and cultivate interests besides clocks. Anywho don't you remember me? We were in the same class at Margaret of Austria's Finishing School for Young Habsburgs. I ranked higher than you, of course, I had to I was on a scholarship! Oh such fine memories! Remember when your Aunt Margaret put on the masque about the Amazons and gave us all real swords. If you're not busy I'd be delighted to show you my scars some time.

Ah Queen Anne, I fear you are trying to tempt me! Alas, since my dear wife and true empress of my heart went to the lord I have little interest in such things.

The monastery does indeed call to me, madame Elizabeth, and I will end my days their. When I have arranged my realms to my liking, I shall set aside my crowns and retire.

Ah Juan. He is a good boy. Blond, like his mother. Ladies seem to find him attractive. Scourge of the turks, that boy. Proud to call him mine.

As to Christina, she has had an Italian husband and a Frenchman. Perhaps it's time for a German...or an Englishman?

So you truly do not remember all the wonderful time we spent together with your aunt Margaret? Goodness are you brain damaged? Are you just embarassed because I got better grades and at the awards ceremony I was awarded the Golden Cocktail Shaker?