The Marriage Game

I think perhaps your hood is on too tight. You may wish to try one of the French models. Or perhaps a delightful hat.

I am sorry but I must wear the gable hood. I never know when some flying projectile launched from Marie Stuarts hand may try to make contact with my pretty yet fragile head. In other words she threw a shoe at my yesterday and only this hood saved me from brain damage.

My, my. I wonder what could have lead her to take such a course of action?

I was spying on her & Sir Nicholas and giggling & mumbling and she caught me out and threw a shoe at me. I narrowly missed serious injury.

While your behavior was not praiseworthy, her action was extreme and not appropriate for a Catholic queen. I shall mention it to her.

Oh how fine it doth sound to settle thine realm upon good capable hands and escape to spend the rest of thine days at thine own leisure.

I think the nunnery unsuitable for me in that respect though. I am too true a daughter of mine parents and mine fiery blood hast been reigned in too long by mine own circumstance.

*Elizabeth stares bright eyed into the distance, imagining*

If free to do as I please I wudst elope upon the seven seas with some worthy pirate. Then perhaps settle in some decadent corner of Italy to learn how to give oneself fully to laughter, wine, dance, song and outright debauchery!

*the gleeful smile pauses shortly with some consideration*

I wudst spend my days of course studying the poetry, art and fine fashions. But the evenings would be entirely my own!

Do it daughter, find that lusty pirate and hit the road or ocean! You only get one chance don't squander it. Tis better to have loved and lost right?

Don Juan does enjoy the sea.

So what say you, your Grace? Shall we consider a Hapsburg for you and an Englishman for my niece?

I like well the sound of thine son my lord Charles.

How would I suit him d'you think?

And would he see fit to let me rule my own realm as I assume he hath not one of his own? I would of course allow his continuation of his trips abroad so long as he didst occasionally venture home to England to see his wife.

The news of his encounters with the Turks doth delight me as a lover of sea fairers my lord, though I fear he wudst have to be a little more well behaved as consort of England. As I am tolerant of any deep spiritual love of God I hath been improving relations with our muslim bretheran of late (didst thou know our Lord Jesu ist holy to them too? I found it great surprise indeed!). I would hate to loose the fine trading links I hath recently established with both the Barbary States and the Ottoman Empire.

You have been trading with those mohommadens! Elizabeth! I cannot believe thee!

I think you two would make a great pair. Spirited, lovers of action and the sea...light hair! For a Hapsburg he is not overly religious.

I will of course give him some territory of his own. I have enough. Perhaps a lovely tropical island? Or Naples?

"For a Hapsburg he is not overly religous". Isn't that like saying "For a Boleyn she is not that much of a bitch"?

I only know the one Boleyn. I feel I cannot make a judgement based on such slight evidence.

Or for a Stuart she is not overly insane?

Maman, I see better to live by the motto "tis better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho the rest of your life".

I have the responsibility of mine kingdom to consider and so though I canst not run away just yet I see fit to consider Don Juan as mine grounded-upon-the banks of England pirate!

...now, which Englishman indeed for your niece Sir. I find I do like her greatly so I wudt have her choose a fine one. What ist her taste, do we know?

If she need not a nobleman as she has noble blood enough I wonder of she wudst consider a fine artist?

I hath always thought my Master Hilliard quite the dish... but it does not do to consort with thine court painter does it? ...mores the pity. I really doth need a husband. Tis quite ridiculous for the issue of the lusty Henry Tudor and the bewitching Anne Boleyn to live and die a virgin! Though I suppose tis of mine own choosing.

Anyway yes, good Nicholas Hilliard. A fine painter, good man and a creator of fine jewels nonetheless! A very good catch for any woman. Here is mine miniature of him, painted by his own fair hand:



...I wudst have it back mind when your niece doth own the original! And I wudst wish them remain here at court, though I would provide suitable palace of their own of course.

We Stuarts are not insane! Merely a little sensitive ...

Christina would prefer a nobleman. More accurately, we have enough Hapsburgs who are married far beneath them. A duke or an earl, perhaps.
Here is a lovely portrait of Juan:
portrait

Cousin Marie, for once I truly implore thee to shut up, I wudst have a pirate of my very own and a tropical island!

...what exactly is a Tropical Island my lord. I have only ever existed within the confines of this most un-tropical one. Though I delight in sailing around it's borders in rough seas!

Oooh, or Naples?!

*the Queen claps her hands with delight*

Art, culture, pizza, mandolins, dresses with lattice work open cut sleeves!

*Elizabeth passes out in the over excitement of such things. She hath spent too long in a court filled with screaming ex-consorts and ist most starved of great culture*

They are in New Spain. Or the Canary Islands. Delightful places. May send mother to one, if I can find her.
So you get a delightful pirate/admiral husband who comes with Naples or a tropical island.
I get a noble husband for my niece and a dowry.
We both get an EVEN BIGGER empire for our future heirs.

*gasps*

He ist most dashing my lord. When can he get here?!

...maman, I fear I am beginning to siund like mine half-sister sister Mary over her own betrothed's half-brother. Please do see fit to throw a bucket of water over me.

That depends. Who can you offer for Christina?

I'll do it! *Throws a bucket of cold ale over Elizabeth's head*.

*coughs and splutters a little*

Thank-you Marie.

I am guessing you found that as satisfying as I found it refreshing.

I must calm myself and think good and proper for a suitable noble husband for Christina.

Yes. I also know that the water here is poisonous and I don't want you dead until my son is marrie ... I mean until God decides it's your time *smiles sweetly*.

*curtseys to Elizabeth*
Your grace I do thank you for this service! I am fond of dukes...
*curtseys to uncle*
And uncle, I am overjoyed! I do love being married!